Great Expectations: Istighfar

(A/N:Istighfar=Asking for forgiveness from Allah)

When I started my daily Istighfar challenge in November with 2 other friends, Alhamdulillah I did see things happen in life. As usual they start with little miracles and progressively increase, of course by will of Allah. HOWEVER, as months passed, I felt that my Istighfars were not really working as well, in terms of manifestations, or at least as I would expect. I have heard stories of so many people having mountains moved in days or weeks just by doing Istighfar, so my expectations were similar to that level. So at the end of 3 months I actually sat down and reflected over the Istighfars that I was doing.

I realised that when I started doing Istighfar, I took it up as one of the many things I was already doing as a challenge, for eg Gratitude Journal ( G Journal), Tahajjud (Night Vigil Prayer) etc. If I can be honest with myself, my hidden mentality was ” I am already doing so many things,  might as well add Istighfar to it. Doesn’t harm to try it out.”  I was doing my Istighfars half-heartedly, and as a result I felt my life was also moving half-heartedly.

Now, ‘half- heartedly’ doesnt mean I wasn’t focussed. I was paying complete attention to my Istighfars as much as I could, I would think of the mistakes I would make throughout the day and ask forgiveness for those. “Asking for forgiveness” isn’t what I was making the mistake in. My mistake was in my “half-hearted intention”. I wasn’t putting the absolute intention, having absolute conviction, absolute expectations of things changing from my Istighfars. I was not putting as much care in my intentions as I was putting in the physical efforts of counting the beads to do Istighfars. It was more like a chore. I was doing it as one of the “many things” that help with answering of dua. In fact, I wasn’t really putting as much expectations from my Istighfars as I was perhaps putting from Baqarah or G Journal. (That’s what happens when we take too many things in our plate and then crash with them altogether, net final result being zilch. That’s why the Prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon him said Allah loves deeds which are regular, albeit small.)

So my take away from all of this is that, for getting solid results from Istighfar, we need to be mindful of the intention behind doing them, and the results that we are expecting, along with being genuine in our repentance. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, because Allah Himself has “bribed” us with so many incentives to do Istighfars (you can read up here for details prescribed in the Quran as Istighfar benefits). If He didn’t want us to have them, why would He promise?


I personally felt that we need to realise that sometimes years of  delay wash away our motivation and strength to “get up one more time and try this one more time, when all else has failed”, and that’s why we often miss the results. Its incredibly easier said than done, I know! But that’s also why I usually try to give myself shorter deadlines. For eg, set a certain number of days to focus on Istighfar, and then write down all the changes that happen. (Writing is always more powerful that keeping tabs in mind, the latter is what most of us do unfortunately, including myself.) That helps establish the faith in extending that challenge to more number of days ( I have done that with G Journal, Baqarah and currently on Istighfar).

Read the verse above. Allah will not change out condition until WE change whats inside of us. So not only is the pre-requisite for external change is a shift in our inner mindset, but also that inner change has to be brought about by us. YOU need to change your insides for Allah to change whats on your outside. Its simple but not always easy, and thats why we take baby steps. Allah appreciates those baby steps and rewards us, giving us the strength and courage to take the bigger, “adult” steps. You become happy, give Him thanks, and He gives you more.

And the cycle continues.

A/N: Nothing mentioned here are a scholarly opinion and are intended to be taken only as reflections to strengthen faith. As always, take any good you get and leave the rest to collect dust❤️

And please do remember me in your duas, that Allah opens my doors that I am asking Him to open. Thank you for reading ❤️❤️

Hit the “follow” button so to make sure you never miss a post. You will get an email everytime there is a new post 🙂


Meant To Be

A lot of times I hear people say “if its meant to be, it will happen”. From where I see things, honestly this statement doesnt make sense to me. “If it is meant to be then it will be happen” just read the statement! It sounds as if the entire carousel is in the hands of a machine which just follows a set of commands, or you can also think of it like a gambling machine where you have no control on the outcome. In either case, it sounds as if we have no control over what happens and “Allah is not objectified as The One Who orchestrates all events”. Its almost akin to an atheistical point of view, where there isnt the notion of a being called God or Allah.

The Messenger of Allah (may peace and blessings be upon him) said “Nothing can change your destiny except dua”. This hadtih itself begs the question, if everything is meant to be, then why would Allah reveal to us through His messenger (may peace be upon him) that “what is meant to be, can be changed by dua”? Afterall isnt “meant to be” a synonym for “destiny”?

I recently heard a story. A woman during the time of Prophet Moses (may peace be upon him) prayed to Allah for a child for many years, with zero results. So one day Moses asked Allah why isnt He granting her a child. Allah replied that it is not in her destiny to have children. After a while, one day Moses saw her with a baby in her arms. Curious, he asked her, only to be greeted with a reply,” I didnt give up even though Allah declined my request. I know He can do anything, He can give me a baby.” And Allah did. SubhanAllah (all glory and perfection is to Allah).

Sometimes possibilities and impossibilities are mere limitations of the mind. The prophet saw said to not use the word “if” during calamities for a reason. Because the word “if” is full of uncertainties, and where there are uncertainties there is always doubt. Dua(prayer) and uncertainties therefore dont bring an answer (which is also something the Prophet said). So its vital to clear up the “if meant to be” mindset in order to bring the conviction and faith in the prayers that we make. (I am NOT referring to istikhara. Sometimes we give up on basics of life like job, wealth, marriage or children because we think we arent meant to have them.)

This is something I wrote a while ago to help combat the negative doubts that creep in:

Acknowledge the thought. Realise the negative thought is a part of your mind thats trying to protect you from heartache by telling you beforehand what it “thinks” will happen.

However its only a thought, and it has no more power than a good thought. So acknowledge the thought, thank it for trying to protect you, and then tell it “while I appreciate your care, I now let you go. I choose to believe it will work, because its the promise of my messenger (peace be upon him), and I choose to believe him. It was nice knowing you, thought, but now I am going to choose a thought that makes me happy and look forward to manifestation of my duas”..

It might sound crazy but if you can be persistent eventually your subconscious will accept this new thought, inshaAllah…

A/N: Nothing mentioned here are a scholarly opinion and are intended to be taken only as reflections to strengthen faith. As always, take any good you get and leave the rest to collect dust ❤️

And please do remember me in your duas, that Allah opens my doors that I am asking Him to open. Thank you for reading ❤️❤️

Hit the “follow” button so to make sure you never miss a post. You will get an email everytime there is a new post 🙂

Of Pen And Muses: Story Of Duha Prayer

I was going over my gratitude journal for January…on January 20th out of frustration I prayed duha prayer with the intent that Allah grants me my dd job…I started a duha challenge with myself that daily I will read duha prayer (which is equivalent to doing charity, based on the sayings of Prophet Muhammad, may peace and blessings be upon him)… On 22nd and 23rd I got 3 interview calls, after trying since November…I also do daily istighfar, Baqarah and qiyam alhamdulillah…I have never had such interviews and yes they are not my dream job, but they definitely will make it easy for me to get that…

We don’tget a lot of stories of duha prayer so I thought I would write one…

It might sound crazy but I think its because I prayer duha, but ALSO because I wrote about this challenge to monitor changes. There is something about writing- goals, challenges, duas, affirmations, gratitude; changes in external affairs happen more significantly when we write. This is something that took me a long time to realise. And it makes sense because Allah has highlighted the power of pen by taking an oath with it. I always felt that no matter how “crappy” my gratitude journal entries are, as long as I wrote them, Allah would see my efforts to be grateful. But once I extended that “experiment” to writing other things like goals and etc, I realised there is something “more” in the “realm of the unseen” about the power of pen.

Disclaimer: The views presented in the post solely are my personal opinion from experience; it is NOT AT ALL any scholarly view. So take the good you get and leave the rest to collect dust.

If you benefitted from this post, albeit as insignificantly as having a good time, please make dua that Allah puts barakah in all my efforts and grants me all the doors I am asking to be opened, quickly and not delayed. I am at a time constraint here. You can just say ameen in your heart and that should suffice too, biidnillah, by the permission of Allah)

The Painted Veil: Story Of A Prayer Answered

Dear Readers,

I recently had a conversation with a very dear friend of mine, who had been battling tremendous amount of hardship for a long time.  She got married very early for her age, and mashaAllah have very beautiful children. But her marriage had been a turmoil since as long as she can remember. She has been married for 8 years and the journey has been anything but a turmoil, akin to riding in Noah’s ark. There were times when she was tested to the limits with her marriage such that I would never want anyone to be tested with. She tried a lot of duas, with sincerity and honesty, but the results came out zilch.
Recently, finding no other way, she asked others to pray for her, to get a clarity of things, to get a direction of what she should do, because it was becoming unbearable for her. And soon after that, within just a few months, her matters started resolving on their own, flowing smoothly mashaAllah, may Allah always protect her happiness. So I reached out to her and wanted to know what is it she did because of which her years of trials and tests came to an end. I am posting our conversations here, with the hope and intention that it might reach out to a soul yearning for direction and clarity in life. Even though the context is marriage, I am sure the advice can be used generally for other situations as well. As I always say, take the good that you get, and leave the rest to collect dust.

Q: Can I ask you something? Apart from asking others to make dua for you, did you do any specific act of worship because of which your matters sorted out so smoothly and quickly, mashaAllah may Allah always protect you ?

A:I prayed 2 rakah nafl after praying fard n sunnah during Isha. My niyah for the 2 rakah nafl was Allah to take away my confusion, set things straight for me, ease my difficulties, give my heart some peace. (I didnt specifically ask to be or not to be with my husband. I left that on Allah. )

Q:So you prayed 2 nawafil after Isha sunnah before witr right?

A: Yes

Q:Ooh also did you make any specific dua in that extra 2 rakah or your intention was clear so you didnt make any specific dua for those 2 rakah?

A:I didn’t make specific dua. TBH I prayed for peace of mind and peace of heart and love. I often make nafl prayer when I’m lil uneasy, if committed minor sins or something. And through it I ask Allah to forgive me.Like if I’ve sinned ( talked behind someone’s back, or didn’t treat my kids right). When I stand in prayer for those 2 rakahs I humble my self and put all of my focus in it. And hope for Allah’s forgiveness.I pray properly, with my mind and body, and I also pray slower than usual.

Q: Hmmm so you tied forgiveness to your intention as well thats very smart mashaAllah cuz forgiveness of Allah opens doors.

A:Yeah, basically it’s very rare that I pray nafl just for the heck of it. I usually have an intent, a reason, behind it.Allah may or may not look at he quantity of our prayers but He will for sure look at the quality. I need to practice this more my self…. but yeah.

Q:If you dont mind, do you think there was any reason for things to remain unchanged for so many years for you and suddenly to change? Like was it only destiny (qadr) or may be some changes in your worship was the reason things were slugging?

A:I don’t have an answer really. The only thing that I did until few months ago was that I blamed everyone for my life, and I had reasons to. But I don’t do that anymore, because I can’t really picture my life with anyone else 😐.And I only saw negative in my husband, and I see more positive than negative now and it’s not like he changed drastically or anything but yeah my mind focuses on the positive.😊 

The only thing that’s different in life right now is that I have clarity. It’s not a perfect life nor is it a perfect marriage and in fact I think none of those “perfect” marriages/ lives, exist. It’s how you perceive your situation that matters. Sometimes your have to see it through someone else’s point of view to appreciate what you’ve got and I believe that’s what I’ve done and that’s where I benefited.

She recently celebrated her 8th marriage anniversary, and I must say she is a totally different person now. Alhamdulillah, mashaAllah, tabarakAllah. May Allah always protect her and keep her like this. She has outgrown herself from the helpless, despairing damsel in distress, and I sincerely request that you join me to say “ Ameen” (Amen) as I pray that Allah blesses her (and everyone reading this post seeking to gain some help) with a lifetime’s worth of joy, love, peace, health, ease and prosperity with all the loved ones, from this life to the next. Ameen.

We dont need to be particularly good or worthy to be deserving of relief from Allah. Most of us are ordinary people- some of us do or dont do our hijabs, some of us do nor dont spend time shopping online all day, some of us do or dont expose ourselves do unpleasant things to TV ( Of course we should try to be better than how we are now, there is always room for improvement.) But the fact lies that at the end of the day, we all have hopes to have our duas answered. In fact, hope is weak, we need to have full faith. Someone very wise once said to me, “when you want something, tell youself- I want it and Allah will give it to me. It doesnt matter how things look like, you just need to know this and have full faith that Allah will give you. Any other thoughts, just block them”. As difficult as it is to do, its not anymore complicated than that.

Please hit the “follow” button to get notifications for new posts, if you find it worth your time. Thank you for dropping by!

Power of Ayatul Qursi 

I was sitting in the lobby waiting, and in front of me was a Muslim woman. Her son had a really big fight with her and left home. She was waiting in the lobby for something and was telling me about it. Things seemed pretty rough. In between our conversations, I noticed her reciting something constantly, perhaps a dua. We were talking for a good half an hour or so, when suddenly her son came back and aplogised to her. It seemed so unbelievable because from the descriptions of the things her son said, there was no way he was returning home anytime that day, atleast. But when I saw him come back and apologise to her, I couldnt help but wonder what is it she was reciting. Before she left with her son, she told me it was the power of ayatul qursi. She says everytime she lands in a problem, she keeps reciting ayatul qursi like her life depends upon it. And mashaAllah tabarakAllah (may Allah protect her blessings and increase her) Allah always resolves things for her. I had to believe her because the way I saw her son come back (I earlier saw the way he left home) it literally seemed like a tiny miracle in front of my eyes. It had to be Allah literally flip his heart to bring him back and with an apology.

Even for myself I remember a time when ayatul Qursi worked. I mistakenly left a valuable item at work and it was weekend. So I had to wait till Monday for the doors to unlock and go back to the building. Needless to say, I had no other option and I kept reciting Ayatul Qursi as I was coming home, asking Allah to protect my stuffs. I knew there would be cleaners working in the building and they did have keys to all the rooms for cleaning purposes, and that was stressing me. So I told Allah by virtue of Ayatul Qursi to protect my belongings and not only did Allah protect it, after a while even my stress disappeared. I was calm over the weekend and found all my belongings intact on Monday. Alhamdulillah…

What is your Ayatul Qursi story? 

Look Closer

I was waiting for the bus for a while, but as soon as I made dua it came. Alhamdulillah. My feet were sore so I made another quick dua to Allah to find me a seat inside, so I wont have to stand. When I got in, by force of habit my eyes scanned the single seats and found them occupied, so I resorted to standing with everyone else. But as the bus started moving, I turned and saw one empty seat at the back, staring back at me. Had I looked closer beyond my usual preferred seats, I would have found that Allah did infact answer my dua, I was the one who carelessly jumped into the conclusion that He didnt. I didnt look hard enough.

I started to wonder as I sat down, how many times do we do this with our duas? How many times we are quick enough to jump into the conclusion that our duas didnt get answered just by scanning the surface, carelessly overlooking the details? How much effort do we actually put into looking for our “answered duas”? Do we look enough? Should we search harder? Are we heedlessly dismissing our “already answered duas” just because we havent expanded our intellectual horizons to the possibility of the different ways they can be delivered?Are we really looking meticulously for the delivery of our wishes, wants and needs which we pray for?

Are we truely, sincerely, genuinely looking hard enough?

Something I ask myself first and foremost as I think of this verse from the Quran (3:191).

A Late Summer Night’s Dream

I remember that Midsummer Night’s Dream. That devastating night, how I struggled to look for a meaning and purpose for it. How it took me so long to even begin to heal. The only good thing in that night was the moon. Other than that, I hated summer, I hated those trees, I hated the greenery. They trees shed their leaves and regained their greeery all within less than a year, while I stood there watching my life only shed everything, not gain. Hated them. The trees gained back leaves faster than mine. They had definite seasons planned, after 6 months they will get their leaves back. They had a calender to look forward to, I didnt. I didnt know when I would also get foliages in my life, and I detested the trees for knowing theirs. The greenery seemed to mock me, my stagnant, poignant story. It was Ramadan, sometime around the last ten nights, the best nights of the year.

I also remember the evening, right after sunset, of one of the best days of the year, towards the end of summer. There was the same moon and those same lush green leaves, about to turn yellow. There was even the same me. But that was it. Nothing else was the same. What I lost that midsummer night turned its way to come back on this late summer night. The tables were turning,  and as they did, I sat under those trees and made dua. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the trees started swaying in a breeze so beautiful, so serene, so peaceful, that I couldnt help but fall in love. The air was thick with freshness, dense with purity, an oxygen I never breathed before. A summer I knew before. I never knew the greenery could be good. I never knew Allah brought those greeneries back, nurtured and watered them all summer so when my time comes towards the end, they would join me to thank Allah before they hinernate for the season. So yes, I fell in love.

Fall in love with the subtlety yet the gravity Allah’s grandeur. I was sitting in front of the school playgroung which for some reason I stared at everytime I would cry. I never knew why but for years I had been drawn to the sight of that playground from my window. Now I knew why. Because Allah wanted that location to be the spot when it happens, so He made sure I had a connection with the place from before. My hatred for the summer and trees melted when those very trees joined me to glorify Allah that night. As they started to sway and dance the moment I started making dua, I just knew it wasnt random. It was much more. It was the trees joining me to glorify Allah, just how the birds joined Prophet David, just how Allah says in the Quran that everything in the skies and the earth does tasbih of Allah. Everything has their own way of worship, but it was a different experience when those very trees that bore the brunt of my replusion for years joined me to praise and thank Allah that night.

Allah keeps an account of everything, and incorporates even the minutest insignificant details into our story, because nothing is excess or random, should we pay attention.  SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, MashaAllah!

Did I mention that just as I was about to publish this post, I looked outside and saw the moon gazing right back at me?