My Version of Ayatul Qursi

Somehow, Ayatul Qursi speaks to me. I thought I would share how, perhaps it will speak to someone else as well. For whatever its worth, its a little effort I make to be little more optimistic about the future.

Allah, There is no God but He

The Ever Living, The Self Sufficient

Allah is the One who is looking after me, in the subtle most ways. Sure He is taking time to give me what I am asking for, but I am not going to deny every other little duas He is answering for me throughout the day. From his self sufficiency,He is making sure that I am more than self sufficient in every other areas of my life, that I do not have to ask anyone for any help.

Neither drowsiness nor sleep overtakes Him

He does not get tired doing this for me without fail, every day, every night. I fall asleep but He stays up the whole night making sure that I am sleeping well enough, that I am waking up in time for Tahajjud, that the shrill cries of the ugly musical band playing outside is not hampering my sleep, despite me being a light sleeper. And most of all, He is giving me signs throughout the day, tirelessly, with full vigor, that He has NOT abandoned me at all.

To Him belong the skies and the earth

Who can interfere without His permission?

I have my own fears and apprehensions of uncertainties of the future. No matter how much I try to hold onto faith, in the end I am just a mortal. But the truth still remains that when Allah is protecting what is mine, who is going to snatch it away? (I still need to master this one though)

He knows what is before them (people) and what is after them

My words sometimes fail me when I start counting how many ways I have been wronged, harmed, put through things for no fault of mine. But thats okay even if I have lost count, because Allah knows what has happened. More than me, He knows.

And they (humans) do not know anything unless He allows it

He also knows what happens next. I have my own worries that sometimes rob the living out of me, but I wonder if Allah laughs seeing my state, at my craziness. What if Allah is smiling, thinking ” she is so worried about things she doesnt even know about, and here I have prepared so much for her. She knows what happened in her past, but she has no idea how much of a lifetime’s worth of happiness I have kept for her, right after this instance

And His control extends from the skies to the earth

And protecting them does not make Him tired

And no matter how much reality messes itself up, I am the one who guards my slaves’ share of happiness. I am in charge of it, in this world and the next. So what is reality, when I am the ONE who is guarding their affairs?

And He is The Most High, Most Great

 

Hope it helps. 

Take any good you might get, and leave the rest to collect dust.

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Mixed Blessings: Surah Baqarah

I am one Surah Baqarah month old today, Alhamdulillah. I took up a “Finish Surah Baqarah Twice Every Month” challenge with my friend starting September 1, and I wanted to share some changes this has brought in my life.

To begin with, to my immense surprise instead of every 14 days (my Quran recitation is not the vert best, I am slow) it took my 2-3 days to complete Surah Baqarah. So every 2/3 days I would start over. In fact once I finished within one day only. Its unbelievable how my recitation speed picked up as soon as I made the intention. Alhamdulillah.

I saw a lot of changes in my daily life. All my day-to-day duas started to get answered, the ones like “Oh Allah please dont let their be any queue for coffee, I know I started late but I still want to reach on time, Please wake me up for Tahajjud”- all the daily duas were happening Alhamdulillah. What that did is to a great extent it smoothed out my day to day life, trimming the edges of daily challenges, and made things easily doable. Completing a  one hour assignment in 30mins, finding all the relevant information that is needed- soon became a routine. All praise and thanks to Allah.

Some other remarkable changes have happened on the personal forefront as well. Not to mention that the ease in day to day life has tremendously helped me keep up with gratitude- everyday manifesations of tiny little duas filled up my gratitude journal with entries and slowly (still in process) helping my faith muscle to build. The effects of gratitude have then been rippling on to the major duas and the carousel has since then been turning Alhamdulillah.

I am also someone with an extremely restless subconscious mind. Dreaming about everything that I do during the day has been something I have had since I can remember. Moreover, for about a year I have been suffering from nightmares. Even though I do the morning and everning recitations daily, for some reason I didnt really see much results in terms of peaceful sleep. But with recitation of Baqarah, alhamdulillah my subconscious has sobered up tremendously. In the entire month I probably had 3/4 nighmares which is nothing compared to multiple ones every night, and that too they came because I was overthinking from stress.

I read the Baqarah on my tablet. I read it while commuting, during TV commercials, at night as a bedtime read. So I am constantly hooked up to my tablet. After Fajr I try to read atleast 1 verse, because the benefits are more during that time. Allah said if you busy yourself with Quran recitation, He will suffice you in other areas.So sometimes if I am busy, I just read one verse after Fajr (because its already sunrise time by then) and then do my morning adhkars during breakfast. Because I have an extremely busy schedule, its hard for me to take out “quality time” for fancy recitations. I just do whatever, whenever, however I can. And from what I see (and I have always advocated for it), Allah sometimes likes the “crappy/ugly” acts of worship more than the “pretty and prettier” ones. Instead of couning how often I complete the surah or how much I read, I just make sure I read. Quantity is just a number.

For someone like me who has had troubles leading a normal day to day life, Surah Baqarah has helped me significantly in very subtle ways to push through in the past one month. If you want to add Baqarah in your daily life, let me tell you this- the devil will not like it at all. So it will tell you all the reasons it will not work out and how difficult it will be to keep up. Trust me, I know because it took me one month (the whole of August) to convince myself to add this in my life. But let me tell you, even if it seems “difficult”, there is something magical about the way it becomes “effortless”. It just becomes effortless doable to recite it everyday. 

Give it a shot!


(For details about the benefits of Surah Baqarah, please go over the sayings of our Prophet pertaining to them, may peace and blessings be upon him).

Take any good that you get, and leave the rest to collect dust.

Power of Ayatul Qursi 


I was sitting in the lobby waiting, and in front of me was a Muslim woman. Her son had a really big fight with her and left home. She was waiting in the lobby for something and was telling me about it. Things seemed pretty rough. In between our conversations, I noticed her reciting something constantly, perhaps a dua. We were talking for a good half an hour or so, when suddenly her son came back and aplogised to her. It seemed so unbelievable because from the descriptions of the things her son said, there was no way he was returning home anytime that day, atleast. But when I saw him come back and apologise to her, I couldnt help but wonder what is it she was reciting. Before she left with her son, she told me it was the power of ayatul qursi. She says everytime she lands in a problem, she keeps reciting ayatul qursi like her life depends upon it. And mashaAllah tabarakAllah (may Allah protect her blessings and increase her) Allah always resolves things for her. I had to believe her because the way I saw her son come back (I earlier saw the way he left home) it literally seemed like a tiny miracle in front of my eyes. It had to be Allah literally flip his heart to bring him back and with an apology.

Even for myself I remember a time when ayatul Qursi worked. I mistakenly left a valuable item at work and it was weekend. So I had to wait till Monday for the doors to unlock and go back to the building. Needless to say, I had no other option and I kept reciting Ayatul Qursi as I was coming home, asking Allah to protect my stuffs. I knew there would be cleaners working in the building and they did have keys to all the rooms for cleaning purposes, and that was stressing me. So I told Allah by virtue of Ayatul Qursi to protect my belongings and not only did Allah protect it, after a while even my stress disappeared. I was calm over the weekend and found all my belongings intact on Monday. Alhamdulillah…

What is your Ayatul Qursi story? 

Look Closer

I was waiting for the bus for a while, but as soon as I made dua it came. Alhamdulillah. My feet were sore so I made another quick dua to Allah to find me a seat inside, so I wont have to stand. When I got in, by force of habit my eyes scanned the single seats and found them occupied, so I resorted to standing with everyone else. But as the bus started moving, I turned and saw one empty seat at the back, staring back at me. Had I looked closer beyond my usual preferred seats, I would have found that Allah did infact answer my dua, I was the one who carelessly jumped into the conclusion that He didnt. I didnt look hard enough.

I started to wonder as I sat down, how many times do we do this with our duas? How many times we are quick enough to jump into the conclusion that our duas didnt get answered just by scanning the surface, carelessly overlooking the details? How much effort do we actually put into looking for our “answered duas”? Do we look enough? Should we search harder? Are we heedlessly dismissing our “already answered duas” just because we havent expanded our intellectual horizons to the possibility of the different ways they can be delivered?Are we really looking meticulously for the delivery of our wishes, wants and needs which we pray for?

Are we truely, sincerely, genuinely looking hard enough?

Something I ask myself first and foremost as I think of this verse from the Quran (3:191).

Struggle For Gratitude Continues

Gratitude is hard! Sometimes I wonder if there was a pill I could swallow so I could feel grateful all the time, like how those life coaches and positive psychologists say preach about. But I cant, it just doesnt come all the time. More often than not, I find it incredibly hard to “feel grateful”. Thats how I have realised and learnt that I can’t control how I feel. I am not always in charge of feeling certain emotions. Sometimes they just ARE. 

So I do whatever is in my control, which is to grab the pen and the notebook, and list the things that “under normal circumstances” I should have been grateful for. Things that are highlights of the day. Anything that stands out for that day- from being able to make that pasta perfectly to the moondlight peeking through my window during my night prayers and falling right on the prayer mat, I write them down. They dont cheer me up, they dont do anything to my mood or emotions, they are nothing more than a bunch of words on a piece of paper tossed away at a corner every morning.

But, to Allah, they are something. 


Even my “fake it till you make it” gratitude counts to Allah, for I do see things increase by His permission, alhamdulillah. Because Allah knows I struggle to feel grateful, I try so hard to push myself to feel so, but I fail. And in the light of all these struggles, just my physical effort of being grateful is all I can do. And thats all Allah takes, then He increases it to things which actually genuinely make me happy and grateful. 


Allah knows how hard it is to be grateful sometimes, so He just asks for that infenitisimal, insignificant amount of gratitude, you can squeeze out. He even swears to increase, even though His promise is true, just to convince and assure us, because looking at the quality and quantity of gratitude, sometimes its hard to believe Allah will even accept it. But He swears to convince you and me that He will increase, not once, but perpetually. Increase in whatever you need, want, desire.

Thats what helps me sleep. That as long as I am writing down my list of things I am supposed to feel grateful for, regardless of what I truly feel, Allah sees it. He sees that I am trying to be grateful. And thats what matters, thats what is important. He overlooks my emotional limitations and sees the physical effort, and keeps His promise. Not because I am anything, but because He is Something. 

In fact, He is Everything!

Alhamdulillah!

EveryStruggleAcknowledged.Com -Al Shakur (The Appreciative One)


With the stress from doing everything because the best days of the year are here, remember that Allah is Al Shakur- The Appreciative One. He appreciates the infinitesimal good that you do.
The prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon him, before his demise, advised us to always have the best expectations of Allah. So expect Allah to reward you for whatever, however much you can do, especially when His favorite days are here. In fact having this grand opinion of Allah, The Sublime One, itself is an act of worship it and of itself. SubhanAllah.

Dont get overwhelmed.

Remember what the prophet said: Actions are but by intentions. If you intended to do your best, thats all that matters, inshaAllah.

Day 16: Ramadan Reflections- A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Disclaimer: Contains tiny bit of poignant hues

I was really hoping I would be catching some sleep that night. I didnt want the night to turn out like this. I wished I didnt know about it, I wished I could unhear what I heard. I honestly wished I could travel to the world above the skies for couple days, perhaps the weekend, and come back on Monday morning. Take the weekend off- because in my world, taking the weekend off is pretty analogous to that.

After I hung up on the phone, I sat on my bed, trying to make sense of what or how am i supposed to feel. Nowadays it doesnt even hurt anymore, I guess the sensations in the nerves have wilted out over the years. It hurts so bad it doesnt hurt anymore. I still needed to know what am I supposed to feel- because the darkness seemed to trump the faint light that was struggling to peek. And I wanted that light, albeit small, its much better than the mostrous darkness. The darkness is like a canine, a hound may be- just the presence of it sometimes is ominous.

As much as my sinister lower self tried to let itself fall prey on the sadistic, merciless predator, my corresponding meek, vulnerable, still wanting to live and not leave part saw something. Something that no matter how much my ego tried to dismiss saying the tragedy is greater- failed.

The Moon. The moon and I have come pretty close since last winter. I like it. When I am alone among the 6bn people in the world, the moon joins me and we silently glorify our Creator everynight. 

In the Quran, Allah says He is 

Everything that is illuminating- sun, moon, star- all are from Allah’s Light.Even in that dark, ruthless night, the Moon was there with me, and through it, Light of My Creator. Even in that turmoil of emotions, amidst the chaos of my raging heart, I noticed how beautiful the Light was. Soft, subtle, silently illuminating the very area where I pray. For a moment my thoughts drifted to the moon, that Light, those memories. I remembered my dream dua- that of my dream home, where I pray to Allah in the depths of the night, with the moonlight filling up my entire bedroom, falling right on my bed. The very bed where I was sitting that time and thinking about it all.

So I got up, gently pulled the blanket aside, and joined the moon. Together we silently glorified Our Creator, and as I prayed for my dream life, I hope it joined me too.

Perhaps thats why the night was so dark, thats why I had to hear what I hear, went through the incidents of that night. So I could see that the only pretty thing that night was the moon.

And my dream duas.