Serendipity Happens, A Lot Like Love

Sometimes its just a thought

Sometimes its a feeling 

But sometimes, you just know it. Its unexplainable, but you just do. There isnt any other way to say it. Hold onto those.

The Light of Allah is unlike any other light, neither of the East or the West (ref Surah Nur), and so is this feeling. Lights are there to remove darkness of confusions and doubts, to bring in clarity, direction and brightness.So dont try to disturb the magic with worldly shackles of practicality, reality, possibility or logic. 

Wheather you are Sleepless in Seattle, or living At The Lakehouse, taking A Walk In The Clouds or waiting for Sweet November, just for tonight, i need you to forget every Definitely, Maybe, and just Remember This:

Serendipity Happens, A Lot Like Love…


Looking For Grace: Al Lateef (The Subtle One)

I was feeling little antsy since the night before. Didnt sleep properly the whole night, subconscious kept venting all my thoughts in the form of dreams. In the morning when I finally gave up, I called my friend to talk, just to release the tension.

Her phone was on silent, and that very moment she stood up for her prayer. So there was no chance of her hearing my ring. But right that exact, precise moment (by only 3/4rings) for some reason she thought of me and looked (not even checked) at her phone screen, only to find it flashing with my number.


After I was done talking to her, I sat down and reflected on the subtlety of the nuances. Allah knew that I was not feeling well. He also knew that I debated for a while before I actually called her because I might be bothering her. He saw the whole “should I or should I not” dilemma of my “righteous self”. I wasnt even sure if I could even get through to her because sometimes her phone has some technical issues as well.Yet all I needed was to dial her number; Allah pulled the rest of the tricks from His book and orchestrated the chain of events so perfectly, that no matter how many obstacles were on the way, the timing fell perfectly.


Why on the earth did she think of me, and looked at her phone while she was getting ready to pray? She just had my thought that exact moment when I was hoping I could speak to her. Even more so, she could have decided to call me or look at her phone afterwards, but her eyes just travelled in that direction. And as I sit down and think, I realise it wasnt her. There was Someone directing the entire show all along. SubhanAllah!

My Little Bird, You Taught Me The Extraordinary Ar Razzaq


My little bird,

There are plenty of them like you, atleast from the looks of it, in this planet. All of them leave their home and families in pursuit of earning sustenance, to get a better life for themselves. Then somewhere along the way, some of them meet us humans, and we take them under our wings. 

I often laud myself for the way I took care of you. Afterall not every generous human does so much for a bird. I must have been very praiseworthy to Allah that I look after His creation so well, take care of all its needs as best as I could.

Until reality hit me. It never was about me, it was always about you. The reason I stumbled upon you was because Allah wanted me to take care of you. Allah put me, the human, at the service of you, the bird. Allah chose you over me. I was not doing you a favor, Allah wanted you to be favored anyway. He just chose me; for reasons only He knows. It was never about I being superior, it was always about you. I was not feeding you as an act of grace, Allah was feeding you through me. I did not wake up nights after nights for you, Allah woke me up nights after nights, for you. When everyone asked about you, it felt as if they were showing concerns for me, because of my little bird, whereas in reality Allah wanted your mention in their tongues, in their mind, heart and prayers. You were always the superior one. You see, we humans have a different way of evaluating.  We like to be lauded and applauded for the good that we do, so much so that we feel we are the objects of focus. On the contrary, more often than not, who we do for, is actually the VIP in the room. Ordinary and Extraordinary are sometimes mere illusions clouded by our limited abilities to see beyond what we want to see, what we are used to seeing. I am glad you taught me that.

With Love,

Me ♥️

This is a continuation of my post A Grace Extraordinary:Ar Razzaq (The Provider)

Beauty And The Beast: Reflections On Ar Rahman

When I wanted to buy those gifts for our neighbors, I was very hesitant. Firstly I have never done anything like this plus when bought the items, including the gift wraps, I just didnt like them. The whole time that I was running around with my cart to find the matching sticker with the marching gift wrap while keeping a tab on my budget, I kept telling Allah that “You know I am not a crafty person. I have never done these in my life please accept whatever I can do. You created me so you know I am not good with crafts.” 

I got home with the supplies, half heartedly, knowing that I did not buy them upto my taste. But I just didnt know where else to go because I was running out of time. I had to have them ready before the next morning and it was already evening. Anyway so I started to wrap the gifts with the “crappy” stickers and other supplies that I bought. When I finished making those packages, I was stunned. I have no idea how they looked so pretty. The sticker and the wraps were just so not pretty, nor were the items. They didnt look good per se. They didnt look happy or bubbly, they didnt look pink or smiley. But subhanAllah the final package looked much better than I ever imagined. The whole time that I had been busy asking Allah to accept, I didnt realise that when Allah wants, He can make even the most lamest of our offerings into something much prettier. How He does it, thats the Divine Department. I dont know if He actually changed my view, or guided my hands to decorate them such that I would be satisfied with my performance, I do not know.


About a month later my neighbor came by to wish me (it was a national occasion), telling me she still has the card I sent with the gift. She liked it so much she kept it with her. She was tired from being in church all day, bur she still wanted to come by and leave her wishes.  It was the first time in the last 2 years that we have been living here that this ever happened.

None of this happened because I or my neighbor are particularly good or worthy. It happened because it was a very personal thing for me, and because I thought I failed, Allah intervened to make it nice such that I would satisfied. Isnt that what mothers do when their children leave a blob of colors on a paper and gift their moms, who in turn make it prettier by outlining the edges so the child becomes happier at his/her accomplishments?

A Million Ways To Live: Al Muhyi (The One Who Gives Life)


The dreams that you have sketched in your duas, the visuals that you have created in your mind about how that “moment” would look like, the imaginary rehearsal sessions in your washroom where you prepare for the “feeling” lest you dont feel silly- we all have these dreams. Getting that degree or that job, that dream marriage, that dream family, driving your dream car or unpacking at your dream home; all of us have so many things we want, wish for, ask for. 
The wishes and duas we voice out to Allah are like the statues made of clay. In our limited capacities, thats the closest we can be to the reality we want to have. So we need Al Muhyi to give life to those statue like dreams, by making them real in flesh and blood. So ask Al Muhyi to give life to your duas by manifesting them in reality.

What else? 

That moment when you see something good happening, either a little flicker of hope or a huge milestone altogether.You finally have some light, some good is happening in your life may be? Even if nothing changes externally, you just feel motivated, you feel grateful, you feel lighter, may be from pouring your heart out to Allah. That feeling is also Al Muhyi giving life to your dead heart. You thought your heart will never feel anything except for the stress, the despair, the gloom and doom. You thought your heart was just a flesh of muscles which pumps blood, it has no other jobs as far feeling is concerned, because thats how dead you feel. Al Muhyi gives life to that dead heart by making it alive again. You suddenly want to live not survive,  feel like you are alive, not only be alive- thats all Al Muhyi.

Everyday Believer

Everyone talks about having faith, belief, hope,but nobody teaches how to. You see thats the problem.Most of us are average Jane/John Doe’s, we don’t do wise words or preachings. We are not great and we don’t do greats. We just need something easy, like a pill which we can simply gobble down and get back to life. 
And what I am talking about, is anything but that.

Human beings need a lot of things to FEEL alive- love, joy, laughter. But to BE alive, we only need one thing- a live, beating heart. And by any chance if you have allowed anyone to walk with yours inside of them (children, parents, siblings,spouse, even career), then may The Lord have mercy on you! Very few people can do that, and still FEEL alive.

Everyday Reflections: Forgiveness-A Silver Linings Playbook

I would get this dream an aweful lot of times. The dream where there is thing in front of me- sometimes a purse, sometimes a pillow, sometimes a phone, blocking my view. No matter how much I tried to move it away so I could see whats beyond, I couldnt. It just just wouldnt move, because I wouldnt be able to exactly locate it. I mean its in front of me, but I just couldnt reach my hand to grab it and get it out of my way. Almost as if I was having neurological issues where my brain cant communicate the instruction to my hand to grab it. I struggled and it was frustrating- till I woke up. It was a very recurring dream and affected me a lot because I would wake up very angry and confused-it was so easy to grab the object yet everytime no matter how hard I tried I couldnt grab it to toss it out of my way so I could get a better look of whats beyond. I wanted to see whats beyond, because I could feel a vast open land was there on the other side and this was the only thing that was blocking my way. 

Several people including trained professionals interpreted the dream for me but none of then resonated with me. My heart didnt agree with what they said and I never go against my heart. But then one day I got to speak to someone who is a psychologist by profession, and she told me that the dream was because I had baggages that I needed to let go of. I needed to heal, I needed to just talk about everything that happened, accept they happened, come to terms with it…

…and forgive…

No one knows me better than I know myself. Everyone says it but I know it. I trauma bonded with myself when everyone else failed me. Deciding to do it alone meant I did the best that I knew how to, with whatever much I had. So basically I just plastered my heart with tapes and bandages, and lived on borrowed time hoping I would heal.Eventually those tapes became real and I forgot to heal. Better still, I didnt even know that healing is a process,forgiveness is a work in progress, not at all what we see in movies where you just declare it and everything goes back to normal. I got back and started climbing but not closing the chapter where I was hurt and needed to be healed from the scars.

Forgivevess was scary. It scared me to death because my self righteous ego kept me safe. I tried many different things to forgive- i did courses and therapies, tried to forget what happened (wrong approach), tried to reason with the wrong that was being done. But everything was falling short. Till I actually prayed for it. 

Yes, I prayed to want to forgive, because I didnt want to. I prayed to be able to forgive, because I wasnt able to. I prayed to look forward to forgive, because I wanted to run away from it. I prayed to heal, because that meant being exposed to the pain again and I would do anythint but that. I prayed for my heart to mend, because I remember that is one prayer I never made. I burnt in that fire of being wronged so I could make the most powerful of duas for the wrongs that I felt was done to me. I wanted fair price for what I went through.

When it happened in reality, when all those prayers started (they are still in process I hope they get answered soonish) being answered little bit, I rejoiced them. I felt that I was heard, that Allah knew I was wronged. But not for long. Eventually I realised I wasnt at peace. There was so much bitterness inside of me, so much resentment for all that happened, that I couldnt  see beyond my payback. I couldnt see that may be it gave me a sense of victory, but most certainly it didnt give me joy or happiness. Even though i prayed day and night for it, it almost felt like this is not what I prayed for- because what I “thought” I prayed for shouldnt look like this. It shoule give me relief. Till a point where I actually wished I could rephrase my prayers a different way. Instead of asking for things I didnt want, I should have asked for things I rather want. The bitterness of thinking of what happened and asking for all that to go away only added to the venom, to the brutality in my prayers, and because I am just a human, a sense of self righteousness or worthiness as well. As I kept getting signs of it happening, I eventually started to hate making those duas for things I did not want.

Because by that time, the other prayer I made for forgivess had started to be answered. I was healing. I was letting go. I was in the process of being able to accept what happened and move past it. I was able to forgive- everyone for everything. Yes I was starting to forgive, and that bitter pill of revenge was getting harder to swallow. Thats why I didnt want to think about it or ask for it to go away. I felt I was wasting my energy, there is so much more I want than what I dont want. Till I have reached a point now where I hardly pray for it go away. 

I still want it gone with just as much hatred as I did before, but I usually dont ask for it as much as before. Because now I pray more for things to come, not go away. Because Allah already knows in order for certain things to come, certain things need to go. Because white and black cant coexist, neither do light and darkness. And I choose to be the Light, because I willingly, voluntarily have submitted myself to the One who is the Light of the skies and the earth, The One besides whom there is no one to worship.

Don’t you want to know what happened to the dream? Yes you guessed it right. I dont get it anymore. Never got it since the day I prayed to Allah to mend me heart, allow me to accept what happened, let go and move forward. The psychologist was right, it was the baggage that kept coming in between me and that vast area of land where I could breathe. It still hurts like hell, but its not eating away my insides like a slow poison.

Its easy to let go when you dont care- either for what happened or the people who caused it. The real deal breaker is when you care about what happened, about the people who caused it, because no matter what you love them and despite everything want in your life.

I also feel there is a time for everything. Forgiveness becomes easier when you want to forgive. People say you forgive for yourself,perhaps they are right. But I forgave because I loved way too much to harbour the venom inside of me. Because no matter what, it will always be a truth that had happened, that had transpired,and the only way to overpower that would be to accept it. I did not embrace it nor will I ever do, but I accept it happened. So if you have anything or anyone you want to forgive, start off with asking Allah for truely wanting it. Think of why you want to want it, and then take it from there. Spouses,siblings, parents, friends, loved ones- dont keep resentment in heart IF IT IS POSSIBLE to let go. Afterall Allah wants us to forgive. 

Its a journey, and thus is a muscle building process. Starts and ends with prayer. Just like every other thing.