Day 16: Ramadan Reflections- A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Disclaimer: Contains tiny bit of poignant hues

I was really hoping I would be catching some sleep that night. I didnt want the night to turn out like this. I wished I didnt know about it, I wished I could unhear what I heard. I honestly wished I could travel to the world above the skies for couple days, perhaps the weekend, and come back on Monday morning. Take the weekend off- because in my world, taking the weekend off is pretty analogous to that.

After I hung up on the phone, I sat on my bed, trying to make sense of what or how am i supposed to feel. Nowadays it doesnt even hurt anymore, I guess the sensations in the nerves have wilted out over the years. It hurts so bad it doesnt hurt anymore. I still needed to know what am I supposed to feel- because the darkness seemed to trump the faint light that was struggling to peek. And I wanted that light, albeit small, its much better than the mostrous darkness. The darkness is like a canine, a hound may be- just the presence of it sometimes is ominous.

As much as my sinister lower self tried to let itself fall prey on the sadistic, merciless predator, my corresponding meek, vulnerable, still wanting to live and not leave part saw something. Something that no matter how much my ego tried to dismiss saying the tragedy is greater- failed.

The Moon. The moon and I have come pretty close since last winter. I like it. When I am alone among the 6bn people in the world, the moon joins me and we silently glorify our Creator everynight. 

In the Quran, Allah says He is 

Everything that is illuminating- sun, moon, star- all are from Allah’s Light.Even in that dark, ruthless night, the Moon was there with me, and through it, Light of My Creator. Even in that turmoil of emotions, amidst the chaos of my raging heart, I noticed how beautiful the Light was. Soft, subtle, silently illuminating the very area where I pray. For a moment my thoughts drifted to the moon, that Light, those memories. I remembered my dream dua- that of my dream home, where I pray to Allah in the depths of the night, with the moonlight filling up my entire bedroom, falling right on my bed. The very bed where I was sitting that time and thinking about it all.

So I got up, gently pulled the blanket aside, and joined the moon. Together we silently glorified Our Creator, and as I prayed for my dream life, I hope it joined me too.

Perhaps thats why the night was so dark, thats why I had to hear what I hear, went through the incidents of that night. So I could see that the only pretty thing that night was the moon.

And my dream duas.

If No One Understands You, Chances Are You Are Right

Stories in the Quran are not mere stories. They are real life incidents that have happened. The people are not just characters. They are human beings,with emotions and weaknesses like you and me.

Imagine being in the shoes of Musa’s mother,right after she went through the trauma of throwing her newborn in the deadly Nile, amidst crocs and gators passing by.Did she have any support? Could she have gone to anyone and talk about what she did? Would anyone believe her if she said that Allah inspired her to throw her baby?Afterall she was not a prophet. She was just an everyday believer like you and me.She had no one to counsel her,to tell her she was right.She even doubted her decision and was about to run after her baby.But then the soldiers would find him and kill him.

So Allah intervened and gave her every support that she needed.From giving her the firmness of heart to the ability to plan logically as to what to do next-everything was orchestrated by Him. Against every self-doubt and logic,she blindly held onto Allah-knowing that even if her logic and rationality fails, as long as she would cling on to Allah,He would look after everything for her.Allah became every support, every help, every means she would have needed to survive that challenging moment of her life.

So We restored him to his mother that she might be content and not grieve and that she would know that the promise of Allah is true. But most of the people do not know. (Quran 28:13)

When you feel there is no one who understands you, chances are you are right, because Allah already says that most people would not know about His promise. When others think that your decision to hold onto your faith is absurd, when you yourself do not know how to explain your faith, then understand that it is a legacy of this great woman Allah has bestowed you with. Allah does not describe her as anything other than a “Mumin”-a true believer. So follow her footsteps and let Allah be your support.Allow Him guide you through the gators of life, and be of the few to witness the truth of His promise.

Sometimes its okay if you are the lone soldier in your fight.