Day 16: Ramadan Reflections- A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Disclaimer: Contains tiny bit of poignant hues

I was really hoping I would be catching some sleep that night. I didnt want the night to turn out like this. I wished I didnt know about it, I wished I could unhear what I heard. I honestly wished I could travel to the world above the skies for couple days, perhaps the weekend, and come back on Monday morning. Take the weekend off- because in my world, taking the weekend off is pretty analogous to that.

After I hung up on the phone, I sat on my bed, trying to make sense of what or how am i supposed to feel. Nowadays it doesnt even hurt anymore, I guess the sensations in the nerves have wilted out over the years. It hurts so bad it doesnt hurt anymore. I still needed to know what am I supposed to feel- because the darkness seemed to trump the faint light that was struggling to peek. And I wanted that light, albeit small, its much better than the mostrous darkness. The darkness is like a canine, a hound may be- just the presence of it sometimes is ominous.

As much as my sinister lower self tried to let itself fall prey on the sadistic, merciless predator, my corresponding meek, vulnerable, still wanting to live and not leave part saw something. Something that no matter how much my ego tried to dismiss saying the tragedy is greater- failed.

The Moon. The moon and I have come pretty close since last winter. I like it. When I am alone among the 6bn people in the world, the moon joins me and we silently glorify our Creator everynight. 

In the Quran, Allah says He is 

Everything that is illuminating- sun, moon, star- all are from Allah’s Light.Even in that dark, ruthless night, the Moon was there with me, and through it, Light of My Creator. Even in that turmoil of emotions, amidst the chaos of my raging heart, I noticed how beautiful the Light was. Soft, subtle, silently illuminating the very area where I pray. For a moment my thoughts drifted to the moon, that Light, those memories. I remembered my dream dua- that of my dream home, where I pray to Allah in the depths of the night, with the moonlight filling up my entire bedroom, falling right on my bed. The very bed where I was sitting that time and thinking about it all.

So I got up, gently pulled the blanket aside, and joined the moon. Together we silently glorified Our Creator, and as I prayed for my dream life, I hope it joined me too.

Perhaps thats why the night was so dark, thats why I had to hear what I hear, went through the incidents of that night. So I could see that the only pretty thing that night was the moon.

And my dream duas.

Day 3:Ramadan DUAries (Dua+Stories=DUAries)

Something very strange happened. I follow an app where people can post the duas they need and others can hit the pray button to say ameen to their prayers. For the past few days this brother has been constantly posting a desperate plea to be with his wife, and another sister has been posting the same, to be with her husband. For some reason both their duas hit a cord with me I found myself praying for them many times. Last night before sleeping as I was making dua I just had a thought what are tha chances they both are married? Then I ditched the idea because they both are from different parts of the world and it didnt seem like a good idea to speculate something like that.Just a while ago I was revising that app again and I saw that sister copied and pasted the brother’s dua, just changed to “husband” from “wife”. Otherwise the details of their situation and everything else is just the same.

SubhanAllah I dont know what Allah’s underlying message here is but I really thought it was sweet how their love transmits to others even in this dark time of their lives.
So then may be it happens to us too? When we are in the darkest moments of our lives, may be even through that darkness Al Jameel, The Beautiful One orchestrates a beautiful serendipity like this for us in the hearts of someone? May be our pain resonates with someone ans our story spreads like this, much to our own oblivion? We all must have had so many of such moments- the stranger across the cafe, the cleaner down the road, the pedestrian across the street, we dont know whose heart Allah decides to resonate through our hardship. Even in distress somewhere, somehow, a beautiful serendipity might happen. 

No wonder Allah begins the Quran by describing the people of taqwa (people who are mindful of Allah) as those who believe in the unseen.

Sure this story is not enough of a gratitude consolation when reality is bent on ripping you apart left and right, and that is not what it is intended for. I am absolutely against the idea of guilt tripping people into gratitude- with things like “be grateful for eyes” etc. While there is nothing wrong with that in fact its actually a hadith, we also need to remember that some peopl struggle with gratitude. Its sometimes difficult to come despite attempts. No one likes to feel ungrateful but sometimes we confuse gratitude with contentment. Nothing numbs some pain but may be once the pain is over we can look back and ponder on some good things that could have come out of that.

A Miniscule Of Gratitude Goes A Long Way

Allah swears (even though He never fails His promise), because in times of hardship, sometimes it becomes difficult to actually believe anything could be better. Allah swears to convince us that He can still increase us in His bounty. If we can trust His promise, then that will give us hope. And that hope will rekindle the flame of gratitude.

Also, He asks for a miniscule of gratitude because when times are tough, its not always possible to look at the blessings as abundantly as they have been showered upon us. So if we try even a little bit, that is enough for Allah to increase us.

It happened to me, and is still happening.

Duas That Have Worked For Me (I)

I have been saying this dua when stressed with work. Alhamdulillah it works.

Somehow the work becomes easy.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said to recite this dua if one’s affairs become difficult.