Day 16: Ramadan Reflections- A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Disclaimer: Contains tiny bit of poignant hues

I was really hoping I would be catching some sleep that night. I didnt want the night to turn out like this. I wished I didnt know about it, I wished I could unhear what I heard. I honestly wished I could travel to the world above the skies for couple days, perhaps the weekend, and come back on Monday morning. Take the weekend off- because in my world, taking the weekend off is pretty analogous to that.

After I hung up on the phone, I sat on my bed, trying to make sense of what or how am i supposed to feel. Nowadays it doesnt even hurt anymore, I guess the sensations in the nerves have wilted out over the years. It hurts so bad it doesnt hurt anymore. I still needed to know what am I supposed to feel- because the darkness seemed to trump the faint light that was struggling to peek. And I wanted that light, albeit small, its much better than the mostrous darkness. The darkness is like a canine, a hound may be- just the presence of it sometimes is ominous.

As much as my sinister lower self tried to let itself fall prey on the sadistic, merciless predator, my corresponding meek, vulnerable, still wanting to live and not leave part saw something. Something that no matter how much my ego tried to dismiss saying the tragedy is greater- failed.

The Moon. The moon and I have come pretty close since last winter. I like it. When I am alone among the 6bn people in the world, the moon joins me and we silently glorify our Creator everynight. 

In the Quran, Allah says He is 

Everything that is illuminating- sun, moon, star- all are from Allah’s Light.Even in that dark, ruthless night, the Moon was there with me, and through it, Light of My Creator. Even in that turmoil of emotions, amidst the chaos of my raging heart, I noticed how beautiful the Light was. Soft, subtle, silently illuminating the very area where I pray. For a moment my thoughts drifted to the moon, that Light, those memories. I remembered my dream dua- that of my dream home, where I pray to Allah in the depths of the night, with the moonlight filling up my entire bedroom, falling right on my bed. The very bed where I was sitting that time and thinking about it all.

So I got up, gently pulled the blanket aside, and joined the moon. Together we silently glorified Our Creator, and as I prayed for my dream life, I hope it joined me too.

Perhaps thats why the night was so dark, thats why I had to hear what I hear, went through the incidents of that night. So I could see that the only pretty thing that night was the moon.

And my dream duas.

Support Corner:You Are Not Noone, You Are Someone

You might feel alone as a revert, new to Islam. You might be alone in your struggle to embrace the changes, alone even among the familiar surroundings.

But you are not no one. You are someone.

To the world you might be another voice, another of the six billion lives. To the street you might be another passerby. To the tree you might be another lonely traveller taking in its shade. To the sky you might be another lonely soul staring at. To the vicinity you might be another…another noone.

But you are someone.To the mat on which you pray, you are someone. To the ground which quietly absorbs your tears when you are in sujood, you are someone. To the pillow which gently muffles your incessant hiccups and stiffles your sobs every night, you are  someone. Above the skies, up in the heavens, in the gathering of the angels, you are someone.To the angels you are someone.

And to your Lord, you are someone.

Everytime you call upon Him when feel like you cant take it anymore, when the pain becomes too much and you beg Him for relief, you are not noone, you are someone. Every morning when He gently helps you get through one more day, to push through one more time, you are not noone. Everytime you call Allah you are not noone. You are someone. To the One who owns everything in the heavens and the earth, Who controls every matter, and yet loves you more than anyone ever can,you are not noone. You are someone.

You are someone. Above the heavens you are someone. And in the earth too.

quotes_creator_20161226_212830.png