A/N: Few parts of this post has been inspired from Grey’s Anatomy. But this post is ENTIRELY a personal reflection and conveys NO scholarly guidance whatsover. Please take any good that you get and leave the rest to collect dust.
When Ramadan arrives, you will reach out to others to ask for forgiveness, the angels will ask for forgiveness for you, you will worship Allah the whole month to attain His Forgiveness. But there is someone else’s forgiveness you don’t want to miss out on.
Your own self.
Forgive yourself for everything you have done.
Forgive yourself for messing up again.
Forgive yourself for losing it despite promising yourself you won’t.
Forgive yourself for seeing it again, for saying it again, for listening to it again.
Forgive yourself not taking good care of yourself.
Forgive yourself for hating yourself.
Forgive yourself for every unkind gestures you have made to yourself.
Forgive yourself for every hateful, hurtful, atrocious incessant chatters of the mind.
Forgive yourself for every unkind, every self deprecating, every self loathing remarks you have said to yourself.
Forgive yourself for not being good enough for yourself.
Forgive yourself for falling short of your own standards.
Forgive yourself for falling short of Allah’s standards, for without the shadow of a doubt, He has (God willing, inshaAllah).
Forgive yourself, not because you are deserving of it, but because you can. Because you have the ability to. Because your virtues are greater than your vices.
Forgive yourself just enough to remind yourself of what you are missing,
Forgive yourself so you can remind yourself that you are a simple, ordinary human being, created and meant to live in a world of extraordinary difficulties. Forgive yourself because You were created a human, so no one expects you to walk on this earth as an angel.
Forgive yourself, because even though you might have done terrible things, that does NOT in any way, shape or form mean you are a terrible person.
Forgive yourself because the Messenger Muhammad (peace be upon him) said “By Him in whose hand is my soul, if you did not sin Allah would replace you with people who would sin and they would seek the forgiveness of Allah and He would forgive them.”(Source: Sahih Muslim 2749).
Forgive yourself, so for the first time in your life, you can feel the warmth of your own love. The love which has sustained so many around you, brought sunshine in the darkest of days, radiated hopes and faith right in the middle of despair, let that love consume you. Let your love, your kindness, your compassion for no one but yourself fill every atom of your soul, because you cant expect to receive love if you are incapable of loving your own self first.
Forgive yourself, so you can love yourself, so you can heal yourself. Healing love is powerful, because that’s when you make discoveries, that’s when you bring changes, that’s when Allah opens doors, because that’s when you are ready to receive . Your heart and soul are aligned and synced, they have moved past the past, ready to receive from His unlimited bounty.
Forgive yourself, and instead show mercy to yourself.
Forgive yourself. Take all that pain, all that agony, all those memories, and turn them into possibilities. Turn them into strength, into unwavering faith and unfaltering hope. Turn them into courage, courage to get up one more time, and then once more, until the doors finally open.
Forgive yourself, because you matter, because your forgiveness matters. It matters to your heart, to your soul, to your entire being, to your ultimate existence as someone Allah has lovingly created with His own Hands.
Buy yourself that favorite outfit, treat yourself that favorite flavor of coffee, savor yourself that foot massage, make that decision, take that step, whatever you need to do to amend your relationship with yourself, do it. Begin Ramadan on a different note this year. Begin with compassion, with kindness, with gentleness, to no one but to yourself.
Yes you, the one who is in His eyes.