Shades of Love: An Ordinary Tale of Extraordinary Miracles

He left without saying anything, yet again. She kept calling him, but it went to voicemail. She tried and tried, for days, but no avail.

For someone who has suffered years of psychological issues and abandonment issues, untreated PTSD, severe anxiety and depression you name it, this was excruciating. To not know what happened, to fear that perhaps her past has come back to haunt her, that gripping, paralytic fear, she couldn’t help but contemplate the idea of…

…at least it would help her escape this pain wouldn’t it? This fear of not knowing, this fear of “what if”, the fear of being chased by those haunted dreams? Therapy wasn’t really much of an option under the circumstances. She needed an immediate fix, at least some relief, just enough to be able to take the next breath, just enough to wake up the next day. Just enough to not give up.

Not knowing what to do, she felt her legs drag her to the local mosque. She had never really been in a mosque before, she didn’t know the proper etiquette,the norms, didn’t even have a head scarf with her. She just went there. Something told her the mosque might give her some peace, some refuge from those horrific “what ifs”, just enough to clear her mind. It took her hours just to get out of bed to make it to the mosque right outside her house, but she made it. Taking a deep breath, she stepped in.

She sat on the prayer rug and stared at the white wall in front of her. No words were coming out of her mouth, suddenly she didn’t know what to tell Allah. All her strength and energy seemed to have been exhausted in the 5 minutes journey from home to the moqsue, albeit it seemed like an eternity. The agonizing pain was eating her heart away and she was just too tired to ask Allah to bring him back, yet again. It was too painful to even think of it.

What started as pearls of tears soon turned into violent sobs with incessant hiccups. She tried hard to stifle them but the pain was too excruciating to really care if anyone was watching her or listening. The more she let it out the more the fear gripped her, until she couldn’t cry anymore. So she just asked Allah the only thing she could master to ask,”What do I have to do so he comes back? Just tell me because I ran out of ideas. I just don’t know what else to do anymore. Just tell me what do I have to do.”

Having calmed down a bit, she slowly walked out of the mosque. Lost in her own world, she walked past two men talking outside by the men’s hall. As she was standing at the intersection waiting for the lights to turn red, she was approached by a man, who she realised was talking outside the mosque when she came out. He told her that he is a refugee from Syria, who migrated here, but his family  was stuck in Mexico. His daughter was my age. He lost all his money, and his landlord threatened to evict him in seven days. But he didn’t ask me for money . He asked if I knew of any mosque who would let him have Iftar (meal to end the fast), since he was fasting. Then He would spend his night in the public bus, just sitting in the backseat, hoping the driver would not kick him out.

Her mind immediately ran back to the events in the mosque, when she begged Allah to tell her what should she do. It didn’t take her much to realise that Allah is giving her a chance, He is telling her what to do.  This was her chance, this was her answer. SubhanAllah.

She asked the man how much money would he require to meet his immediate crisis, and that answer sent shivers down her spine. If she would help him with the money, she would not have much left for herself. This was way over her Ramadan budget, way way more for her. She debated with the idea of walking away, perhaps even tried, because she felt her legs were stuck. Even they seemed to not cooperate with the idea, even they seemed to believe that she needed to help him because she needed to be helped. If she would walk away, she would forever be wondering if she caused her own dismay, if she was responsible for her own tragedy. Suddenly it all became about her, about her being able to help him so Allah would help her, about the answer to her call to Allah, about him coming back to her, about their marriage, about them. She knew Allah didn’t need her to help the man, if He wanted He would send someone much richer who could give him everything he needs. The man specifically came to her for a reason. This was all part of a much bigger play. It was more of a test for her. Because it was NO coincidence that minutes after asking Allah what to do, this man came out of nowhere and started telling her his story.

Without giving herself much time to second guess her decision, she stacked the money in the hands of the man, asked for him for his prayers and walked away.

At around 1 o clock in the morning, she got a text. It was from him. Guess what? He just escaped a near death experience 5 mins ago. He was speeding on the highway and didn’t see a truck coming. He said he didn’t know how he was able to press the brakes on time because his reaction time was delayed due to all the stress. But he didn’t really care, he knew it was her prayers. He knew it was Allah who saved him through her prayers. He knew it because this is the blessing of their marriage.

Did she agree with him? Somewhat yes. But she knew, right there, right then, it was the charity she did for the poor man outside the mosque which saved him. He was alive because Allah had his brakes pressed right on time, because she listened to Him and did what she was asked to do, because his life was way more precious than any money she was hoarding which is why she had to give them away. He was alive because of the following hadith:

MashaAllah, may Allah protect them and their blessings.

Their marriage is still a struggle, still an uphill battle. They still do not live together, still get into fights, still are facing roadblocks, despite their being so much love and longing for each other. As she shares this story with all of you, she requests that you please remember them in your prayers, that Allah blesses their marriage with tranquility and love which brings them closer to Him in devotion, the marriage which leads them to Paradise.

As for me, this Ramadan, I have launched my own project to build 2 mosques and water wells, only for 1500 Dollars. I will personally oversee the project the ensure the proceeds are directed to the right cause. Please show me your support by  contributing generously and spreading the word. Its a small amount of money that could change lives of so many people, for who knows who will pray in those mosques and have their lives completely transformed for the better, and knowing that you somehow contributed to that! (Even if you do not contribute, please click on the link to read a really nice story of how charity increases wealth. Please make sure you log in again if the link doesn’t appear the first time upon signing in/up.)

https://www.launchgood.com/project/join_us_in_this_midsummer_nights_dream#!/

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Angry Birds

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I recently heard from a woman that she used to feed birds when she was going through a tough time, and Allah fulfilled her desires through her kindness to birds. As I reflected more on on her story and the above corresponding saying of our beloved Messenger Muhammad (peace be upon him), I couldn’t help but wonder, how honorable it is to be part of this Tawaqqul (Reliance on Allah) journey of these birds?

Food is one of the, if not the ultimate, primitive needs of creations. Any creature is biologically created to need and want food, this is no news. But for birds, their whole lives rely on absolute Tawaqqul on Allah to provide them with food. Allah does not need you and me to feed those birds, that is not our responsibility, its His. But if we could voluntarily contribute to this “Tawaqqul-ful” journey of the birds by everyday feeding them some left overs from our kitchen, we might just have included ourselves among those who made their journey of Tawaqqul a bit easier. If everyday, we can set up a time when we will have their foods ready, we just made their “uncertain” life a tad bit “certain”. They know they can count on us to have their food ready on time. May be some angry bird will return home happily because its day went easy, especially on the days when the weather is harsh. Unlike us, they do not have the luxury to take a day off or snuggle up under the duvet till late on a Sunday morning.

In our lives when we are surmounted by predicaments of nothing but uncertainty, resorting to nothing but Tawaqqul to Allah, I cant help wonder that may be by feeding these birds, easing their journey of Tawaqqul a little bit, we might end up getting some ease and relief from Allah as well. After all its not easy to be in a journey of absolute Tawaqqul, and most definitely its nothing but an honor in my book if we can ease someone’s journey a little bit, even if that is s a bird. Perhaps that is why we still marvel at the story of how a prostitute was granted paradise just because she quenched a dog’s thirst. From a difficult worldly life, she was granted the best afterlife with absolute ease simply because she contributed to the “Tawaqqul-ful” journey of another creation.

Sounds a pretty good investment to me! Just a food for thought.

As usual, take any good you get and leave the rest to dust.

Also please remember me in your prayers that Allah fulfills all my requests. May He grant you the same and much more.

Great Expectations: Istighfar

(A/N:Istighfar=Asking for forgiveness from Allah)

When I started my daily Istighfar challenge in November with 2 other friends, Alhamdulillah I did see things happen in life. As usual they start with little miracles and progressively increase, of course by will of Allah. HOWEVER, as months passed, I felt that my Istighfars were not really working as well, in terms of manifestations, or at least as I would expect. I have heard stories of so many people having mountains moved in days or weeks just by doing Istighfar, so my expectations were similar to that level. So at the end of 3 months I actually sat down and reflected over the Istighfars that I was doing.

I realised that when I started doing Istighfar, I took it up as one of the many things I was already doing as a challenge, for eg Gratitude Journal ( G Journal), Tahajjud (Night Vigil Prayer) etc. If I can be honest with myself, my hidden mentality was ” I am already doing so many things,  might as well add Istighfar to it. Doesn’t harm to try it out.”  I was doing my Istighfars half-heartedly, and as a result I felt my life was also moving half-heartedly.

Now, ‘half- heartedly’ doesnt mean I wasn’t focussed. I was paying complete attention to my Istighfars as much as I could, I would think of the mistakes I would make throughout the day and ask forgiveness for those. “Asking for forgiveness” isn’t what I was making the mistake in. My mistake was in my “half-hearted intention”. I wasn’t putting the absolute intention, having absolute conviction, absolute expectations of things changing from my Istighfars. I was not putting as much care in my intentions as I was putting in the physical efforts of counting the beads to do Istighfars. It was more like a chore. I was doing it as one of the “many things” that help with answering of dua. In fact, I wasn’t really putting as much expectations from my Istighfars as I was perhaps putting from Baqarah or G Journal. (That’s what happens when we take too many things in our plate and then crash with them altogether, net final result being zilch. That’s why the Prophet Muhammad, may peace be upon him said Allah loves deeds which are regular, albeit small.)

So my take away from all of this is that, for getting solid results from Istighfar, we need to be mindful of the intention behind doing them, and the results that we are expecting, along with being genuine in our repentance. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, because Allah Himself has “bribed” us with so many incentives to do Istighfars (you can read up here for details prescribed in the Quran as Istighfar benefits). If He didn’t want us to have them, why would He promise?

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I personally felt that we need to realise that sometimes years of  delay wash away our motivation and strength to “get up one more time and try this one more time, when all else has failed”, and that’s why we often miss the results. Its incredibly easier said than done, I know! But that’s also why I usually try to give myself shorter deadlines. For eg, set a certain number of days to focus on Istighfar, and then write down all the changes that happen. (Writing is always more powerful that keeping tabs in mind, the latter is what most of us do unfortunately, including myself.) That helps establish the faith in extending that challenge to more number of days ( I have done that with G Journal, Baqarah and currently on Istighfar).

Read the verse above. Allah will not change out condition until WE change whats inside of us. So not only is the pre-requisite for external change is a shift in our inner mindset, but also that inner change has to be brought about by us. YOU need to change your insides for Allah to change whats on your outside. Its simple but not always easy, and thats why we take baby steps. Allah appreciates those baby steps and rewards us, giving us the strength and courage to take the bigger, “adult” steps. You become happy, give Him thanks, and He gives you more.

And the cycle continues.

A/N: Nothing mentioned here are a scholarly opinion and are intended to be taken only as reflections to strengthen faith. As always, take any good you get and leave the rest to collect dust❤️

And please do remember me in your duas, that Allah opens my doors that I am asking Him to open. Thank you for reading ❤️❤️

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Reflections On La Hawla Wala Quwata and Dua Manifestations

Recently I came across few stories where people who had been in a lot of hot water, waiting for their duas to come to fruition, finally got their wishes fulfilled by Istighfar, Night Prayers and Reciting La Hawla Wala Quwata Illa Billah (There is No Power or Might except Allah). Difficulties ranging anywhere from waiting for decades to be married, to marrital troubles, not being able toget pregnant, financial predicaments or mental wellbeing, all were resolved with the above formulae, by the permission of Allah. The stories are from today’s time, not from the pious precedessors.

Its not surprising though. When we go through difficulties and see no possible way out- it is true. In the realms of our limited perceptions,in the confinements of possibilities of this world, more often than not the doors are closed. More often than not there is no possible solutions to our problems, atleast in the perceptions of our mind. And that is when Allah sends us help from Jannah. He opens the skies by virtue of istighfar (please refer to The Quran’s Surahs Nuh and Hud for details) or makes a key in the heavens and sends down to the earth (ref to the hadith mentioned above on La Hawla). That is when “out of the world” experiences happen, literally and figuratively! When you tap on the treasures of Jannah, the pearls drop on this world. It has always happened, and still happening.

Of Pen And Muses: Story Of Duha Prayer

I was going over my gratitude journal for January…on January 20th out of frustration I prayed duha prayer with the intent that Allah grants me my dd job…I started a duha challenge with myself that daily I will read duha prayer (which is equivalent to doing charity, based on the sayings of Prophet Muhammad, may peace and blessings be upon him)… On 22nd and 23rd I got 3 interview calls, after trying since November…I also do daily istighfar, Baqarah and qiyam alhamdulillah…I have never had such interviews and yes they are not my dream job, but they definitely will make it easy for me to get that…

We don’tget a lot of stories of duha prayer so I thought I would write one…

It might sound crazy but I think its because I prayer duha, but ALSO because I wrote about this challenge to monitor changes. There is something about writing- goals, challenges, duas, affirmations, gratitude; changes in external affairs happen more significantly when we write. This is something that took me a long time to realise. And it makes sense because Allah has highlighted the power of pen by taking an oath with it. I always felt that no matter how “crappy” my gratitude journal entries are, as long as I wrote them, Allah would see my efforts to be grateful. But once I extended that “experiment” to writing other things like goals and etc, I realised there is something “more” in the “realm of the unseen” about the power of pen.

Disclaimer: The views presented in the post solely are my personal opinion from experience; it is NOT AT ALL any scholarly view. So take the good you get and leave the rest to collect dust.

If you benefitted from this post, albeit as insignificantly as having a good time, please make dua that Allah puts barakah in all my efforts and grants me all the doors I am asking to be opened, quickly and not delayed. I am at a time constraint here. You can just say ameen in your heart and that should suffice too, biidnillah, by the permission of Allah)

Confessions Of A Duaholic: Dua Yunus

A/N: Dua=Prayer

As part of a very major project that I am working on, yesterday I needed to deliever a very significant message to a stakeholder. I have been working tirelessly to get all the success from this assignment, and consequently I was so excited at getting this opportunity that I just jumped in, without really preparing adequately. I did not work on the presentations or my communications skills. I just randomly conveyed without much courtesy.

Upon getting no reply back, I got really worried this morning. As much as I denied to myself in an effort to keep my chin up, deep down I knew I could do a much better job, and a damage was done which definitely would cost me time, and I cant afford that right now. I made this same mistake once before too and I was supposed to already learn from it.

I had an important meeting later in the day and it would be really helpful to get a reply before that; the success of the meeting depends a lot on that. So I asked a friend to pray for me, that Allah sorts it out and fixes my mistake. The stakeholder takes the message as it was intended, not as I presented. However, I was still feeling a bit restless, so I started reciting The Prayer of Prophet Yunus (also called Dua Yunus. It was recited by Prophet Yunus or Jonah, when he made a mistake, only to be trapped in the belly of a whale, and turned to Allah for help) This is what I recited and in Italics are what I implied:

La Ilaha Illa Anta (There is No God But You)

Allah only you can help me

Subhanaka (You are free from imperfections)

You dont make mistakes.In fact You fix mistakes of others, so fix mine

Inni Kuntu Minaz Zwalimin (I am the one who has wronged myself)

I am human, so I am bound to make mistakes.

Basically what I mean was “Oh Allah, I intended to do good but I made mistakes because I am a human. But You never make any mistakes and You can actually fix this, only You can. So fix this“.

I recited this dua about 50times roughly. (Note: There is NO prescribed numbers to recite it. I randomly recited 50times.) Then after a while (about am hour later) I decided to contact the stakeholder myself and find out whats going on, if everything was okay, because I didnt hear anything back after I left the message yesterday. To my immense delight, I immediately heard back from him. He mentioned that he actually did send a reply before, but it never got delivered to me. It was sitting in his “compose” section still. He forgot to press “send”. He apologised and said everything was fine. Alhamdulillah.

SubhanAllah. I asked Allah to rectify my mistake, but He made it such that a mistake was NOT MADE AT ALL in the first place! (I am skipping the details due to irrelevancy.)

How Absolute Is He!(Subhanak)

And How Silly I Am (to worry so much unnecessarily and wrong my health in the process).🙈

I learnt about the detailed meaning and translation of this dua about a month ago, and I am really glad I did because it helped me today. And I hope and pray it will help you too, if (I pray not!) you find yourself ever in need for it.

em>Please take only the good that you get from this story, and leave the rest to collect dust.<<<<<<<<<<
r this project of mine in your prayers please, that Allah grants it an easy success beyond measure, much much before the deadline. Its success will bring an abundance of goodness for me, in both this life and the next. Amen 🤲🏻

Lost In Translation: Detouring With Your Prayers

I am someone who not only needs Allah to “give me” things, but I also need Him to “tell me” things. On few occasions, I have felt that my prayers (duas) are sort of knocking a dead door, no matter how much I am making them something is not working out. Its not that Allah wont give them, but over the course of time I have come to realise that I needed to understand “how” to ask. I understood that sometimes Allah wants us to get it ourselves ( of course He will help through the process, not like you are on your own) and not give it to us.

For example, if you are praying for Allah to guide someone and its not working, may be you need to ask Allah what you should do to guide them. If you child isnt listening to you despite you praying for it, perhaps instead of praying that they listen to you, you pray that Allah tells you what the problem is, and how you can solve it to get what you want. If your dream job isnt coming, may be you can ask Allah to tell you what are you doing wrong/ take you to that which will give you the job. In general if any door in your life is locked, and you feel despite your sincere please its not moving, may be you can ask Allah to tell you something, may be you lack the information or instructions, may be you are not being able to hear what Allah is saying. So reroute the prayer and seek Allah’s counsel- what should you do to get what you want.

So this way, you will be able to keep your mind open to opportunities to take action for your prayers. Perhaps you wont even realise but things will be changing, chores will be moving, and it will be pointing and leading to your prayer.  Its not at all a scholarly suggestion and not necessarily fits in all situations, so please use your discretion.

Don’t forget to make the prayer our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) recited quite often (it will help keep your heart firm with certainty in your prayers, inshaAllah):


Take the good that you get and leave the rest to collect dust.