Patience does not mean you have to act like a robot. Patience gives you full permission to act out on your frustration. Patience does not mean getting back up on your feet tirelessly, rather it means to get back up on your feet despite being tired. Patience does not demand that you stifle your sobs all the time, because you are asked to follow someone who went blind from grieving the loss of his child. In fact, if it helps to release the pressure from inside your chest, you can roll on the floor crying your eyes out, almost vomitting out all your internal organs, passing out from an all time low blood pressure, having no idea what to do, how to do, how to be in the state you just found yourself in, and still do whatever much, however much, you are able to do. I mean it, whatever much. Sometimes, taking the next set of breathe is included in that “much” as well. Yes, patience also means refraining from stopping your heart so as to escape that pounding, but having the thought does not make you impatient. Because it did not make Maryam impatient.
Patience is different for everyone. But the theme is the same. Whatever you are doing, however much you are doing, are all part of patience. Because you are doing the bext that YOU KNOW how to, based on who YOU ARE. Allow yourself to believe that you are patient. Just because your cheeks are stained with mascara doesnt mean you are not. Patience has no rules, you dont take a “Patience 101” in freshmen year to learn how to master it. It just is.