Reflections On Advice And Ability

I have experienced a fair share of personal losses in my life. The traumatic incidences that literally shatter your core, slowly everything slips away from your grip,rendering you incapable of feeling anything else except for the blues. I have experienced grief-its various shades and also its paralyses. For most people, they seemed ordinary, and often times I found myself unable to explain as to why I was affected so much more than others. What happened to me has happened to a lot of people, then why did I grieve for so long? Why I am still sore? Why can I not be normal, even to this day?

For a long time, I did not have an explanation for myself.

We are all created differently-each with our unique tastes,sensitivities and even abilities. Everybody has different capacities-how much they can or can’t do. Similarly everyone reacts differently to hardships in life-even the common ones like sickness,death etc. For the same calamity,no two people react or feel the same. Some people are able to embrace their losses rather quickly, some take years, and some, never really.

When you counsel others who are going through difficult times, be mindful of their capabilities. It goes without saying that they would be able to relate to you better if you experienced something similar. But what you could during your ordeal might be beyond them. Perhaps you packed your lunch and headed back to work the next day , but that does not mean they must be able do the same.  You found your solace in the prayer and it helped you heal, come out stronger, but that does not mean they also will get it right away. And it really  has nothing to do with anyone being weak or strong, mentally or in faith. It just means our inner components are different. That is how Allah created us- with our individual limits. If you have seen a lot in life and someone hasn’t, you can’t expect them to have the same maturity and ability to deal with it as you. You have learnt through your experiences; they will learn through theirs. So suggest them according to how much they have seen in their lives, not yours.Give them examples and references from their lives-events they have experienced, felt, lived.

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